Sam Gentle.com

Safety blankets

A friend once told me about the idea that everyone has an emergency fallback strategy for when they run out of other options. If you're in an argument and you're really upset, maybe you try reasoning, emotional appeals, increasing volume, whatever to try to fix it, but if none of those work eventually you pull out your last resort. Maybe you scream, run away, break down in tears, or start smashing stuff, but there'll be some hail mary option you go to every time.

While I'm not sure that's always true, it's at least been true in my experience. And I think there might be other, less extreme ways that we look for safety blankets when things don't go our way. Think about the kinds of things you do when you're top-of-your-game, feeling awake, happy and energetic, and want to take on the world. Then think about the opposite: the kinds of things you do when you're miserable, sick, tired, or just having a bad day.

I suspect you would end up with a very consistent list of safety blanket activities. Reading, maybe, or video games, or watching TV. But there's no need for the safety blanket to be pure consumption, though it doesn't hurt. For a long time mine was programming, and I still find learning something new to be a very comforting activity. For some people I know, theirs was music, and they seemed to improve at it very quickly.

Previously, I wrote that part of committing to something is sacrificing the ability to not do it, even if you're having a terrible day and don't feel like it. That must be a lot easier if the thing you've committed to doing is something you turn to when you don't feel like doing anything else. It seems like you'd get a lot of mileage out of something you don't need to be in good form to keep doing.

I'm not sure if it's possible to change your safety blanket, but it's worth looking into. And, if not, maybe it's worth mining your most useful comfort activities for opportunities.