The steel robot effect

I've noticed that it's easy to unintentionally inflict harm in emotional conversations, especially when you're upset. I'm sure there are a lot of different reasons, but one in particular that stands out is what I like to call the steel robot effect. We always keenly perceive our own vulnerability and our own emotions, but in other people it's easy to assume their actions aren't motivated by that same humanity. So we see ourselves as weak fleshy humans, and others as mighty steel robots.

There are a couple of ways that can cause issues. The first is that if you're upset at a steel robot, you won't feel particularly sensitive to that robot's emotions and are likely to go too far in your reaction. Maybe even deliberately so because you feel like you have to work harder to break through its metallic exterior. The second way is that if a steel robot is critical or angry, you won't think to question or analyse the emotions behind its actions. Presumably if a robot is mad at you it must be motivated entirely by pure robotic logic.

Now, if you put those two failures together: seeing each other as cold and invincible, reacting to actions without considering the hurt emotions underneath, and lashing out disproportionately in return against the shiny metallic visage that seems so unflinching compared to your seething internal state. And, of course, that cycle just keeps building until something gives and you suddenly realise that it wasn't a robot at all, just a child in a robot suit. And you've hurt them badly.

It is something of a guilty relief, at that point, to discover that you're both hurt. To realise that you're just people after all. But it would be a lot easier if we could avoid believing in steel robots in the first place and engage innocently, weak fleshy human to weak fleshy human.